- Akhila Suri
Akhila has done MBA and is PLR Therapist based in Rajahmundry.

When I first saw the mail about Inner-Child Work, my thoughts were, "Its not for me. Its for the people who had a very deprived, disturbed or abusive childhood. I’ve had a perfect childhood – My parents love me very much, all my teachers till now adore me as I was always a model student, and I’ve always been provided with what I want. It was a perfect childhood except for a few family issues, but hey, every family goes through something like that. Its not a big deal, right? So, I don’t know if I should go for this. I definitely am curious about it but, lets see." Then I finally decided to attend the workshop along with my little sister and from the moment I decided to go for it, I tried to remember my childhood. There were many funny, sweet, beautiful moments and at the same time some scary and frightening moments too which I laugh about now. After reaching Goa, meeting with my friends and attending the first day did I realize, how little did I know my own self, my own childhood.

First of all, I never expected this workshop to be a medium between me and…… ME.

The first two days it was very difficult for me to cope up with the workshop. Knowing theoretically that the things or incidents that I laugh about now were indeed very big for me as a Child and those were the basis for my life that now I am living. The fears and beliefs around which I have built my whole life is because my Inner-Child was wounded once and its trying to protect itself by not repeating the same was a Huge thing for me to accept. All those small incidents from school, the subtle condemnation from the near and dear made such an impact on my life? All the beliefs that I’ve built my life around were in fact based on fear?

The perfect childhood that I thought I had, had its own dark shadows and those shadows made a deeper impact on my life than I believed them to be. Now I started understanding a lot of my traits and from where they’ve emerged. As Dr. Newton and Dr. Lakshmi started explaining the importance of a healthy and loving childhood and the three seven yr. cycles, I started remembering my own life and so easily everything started falling into place. I remembered exactly what happened at which age and how that incident’s still affecting me now.

I admit that facing the emotions, confronting the fears of my Inner-Child and letting the flow of emotions free was something I wasn’t ready to do at all. That too to do all this in a group? No Way! But, when I saw my dear friends confronting their demons, giving their Inner-Child a free reign over their life and seeing the beautiful serenity and spark on their faces gave me that push to go for it. And from the third day, I started, most probably for the first time in my life communicating with myself. Communicating with My sweet, innocent, Inner Child who was pushed deep, deep down. Though I’ve been meditating for 3 years., my real journey into myself started here.

I started journeying down my memory lane and again I remembered all those funny, sweet, beautiful, scary and frightening moments but now I started feeling the pride / joy / fear / shame / guilt exactly as a child. My Inner Child was slowly opening up and then came the shock of my life. Suddenly, I started remembering a whole lot of incidents that happened to me at different ages. Incidents that have wounded me so deeply that I have discarded them… have forgotten them completely until then. Pushed them deep into my mind somewhere and never visited them and that’s just what happened to my Inner Child too. But now, suddenly there’s this rush of memories and emotions that my Inner Child wanted to confront and I had no choice but to do it.

Being the eldest child of my family, since a very young age the only emotions I have dared to feel and express were, happiness (most of the time) and anger (sometimes.) I never even thought about other emotions. I have very effectively discarded all other emotions from my life. And now confronting and feeling a rush of so many emotions was very difficult for me to cope up. But, I went through with it, thanks to each and every person present with me for those 6 days. Either directly or in-directly each and every person helped me to really look into myself and not the facade that I have created about myself. And slowly, slowly, the mask started to fall apart and with each and every exercise, meditation and class. The whole LRA team had done a wonderful job of opening me, daring me to know myself a little more.

The main thing I realized in this workshop was, how important it is to express one’s feelings. Though we know that a certain member of our family or a friend loves us very much and we love them very much too, generally its not a common practice in our lives to express it in words. Especially parents, many of them express their love through deeds by giving their children what they want or sending them to the best school or giving a beautiful gift or something else but, how our Inner Child craves for words. In the workshop, by writing a Love Letter to my Inner Child, I realized how good it feels to hear the words and how much more loved and worthy I feel just by a few compassionate words. One more letter written to forgive the people who hurt me as a child made me so unburdened even physically as if a weight has been lifted.

Through Voice Dialoguing I realized that every one has a lot of personalities and by confronting my Primary Self and conferring with my other selves gave me the clarity I never thought was possible to have. My Primary Self was a Self-Critic and because of this, I always pushed myself too much and still criticized myself. This is the main reason that my Inner Child was pushed away from me too. Through Voice Dialoguing I could actually voice out the feelings of the Child within me and it was really amazing the way the merging of my discarded selves, Inner Child and myself happened. The Non-Dominant Hand Drawings and writing made me a believer of myself. The way my hand automatically gave the answers was beautiful and I actually FELT the answers coming from my heart rather than my mind. This is The Best Way Ever to communicate with myself. Thank You Dr. Newton and Dr. Lakshmi.

The stages of childhood, the needs of a child in those stages, what happens when those needs are not met and what is to be done now as an adult to nurture that part of our Inner Child was explained very very beautifully and clearly. And finally we were taught to become our own parents and give our Inner Child that which we haven’t received from our parents or guardians. This, to become a parent and love and nurture your own self was a profound experience in itself.

After this workshop, I started truly accepting myself. I am now open to a whole lot of emotions and feelings and I accept myself with all of that. And most importantly, “I Love You”, the sweet, beautiful Inner Child of mine. Its now been more than a year since the workshop and I have never been so joyful and playful before. My Inner Child just comes out at spontaneous moments and I myself am very surprised with my transformation. I Thank the Whole LRA Team for their unconditional support throughout.  Thank You for designing such a beautiful workshop and Thank You very very much for making me Whole again.